How To...Mock The Casbah

This homemade send-up of the demonic mneomonic contrivance/hit, "Kokomo," by some genuinely savvy members of the world's <peace-keeping forces>, cheekily titled "Kosovo," is taking the piss out of popular world leaders' dispensatorily cavalier manner of committing troops and the notion of international <hot spots>.

These guys make getting royally screwed seem like part of the job. (Isn't it?) But what makes it truly, remarkably rockstar are the performers/soldier nailing all the important video cliche cues, right down to the gratuitously over-the-top closing shot.

Also were capturing were these comments about the people responsible.

"Her Majesty's armed forces never cease to amaze me. To be able to carry out such acts of determination, sacrifice and heroism in so many spheres of the world and, at the same time, to be recording hit videos is a measure of the quality of the British Armed Forces."
Defence Secretary John Reid on opening the Queen's Speech debate on defence 18th May 2005.

So, now that cavalier is "in," and mocking one's condition of being shafted by world leaders is cool as long as it's in the right spirit, how about someone in their off-hours contributing to setting up a world government that is peace-promotive?

Link (via bloggerheads).

How To...Gimmick The Funk: Crazy Frog Axel F

Hahahahahhaaahahaha…hahaha…

Okay, this is a very funny piece of entertainment.

But what makes it noteworthy is the necessity of the inclusion of its legend which gives this obvious piece of candy it's supposed credibility.

Essentially, a sound, a very particular sound, was supposedly captured by a 17-year old Swedish boy, and it got re-tooled into an odd cartoon video, introducing an deranged naked frog superhero, The Annoying Thing, in the veins of the Gorillaz, but 3-dee digital

Then introduce this package to two DJ's who were able to successfully graft synth pop artist Harold Faltermeyer's "Axel F" onto the hybrid thereby creating a pop melange.

That's when everyone in Great Britain got involved, and united to thrust the song to the number one spot on the revered British Pop Charts, for their part unleashing it on the world. They even dragged out doddy old Malcolm McClaren to lend the occasion a suitable air of droll officious notoriety.

And to top things off, the song is a ringtone.

Weird. Funny. Hell, Interesting. But most of all, noteworthy. We are not talking big money here. We are talking BIG money. Anyone who can coordinate/ buy/ steal from all these underground elements and then have Swedish digital animation house heavy-hitter, Kaktus Films, produce such a slick, uber-expensive piece of promotional video is no lightweight.

Heads up, Starchild, straight from you-know-who, this one's for you.

Link (via metafilter).

Rockstar! Cory Doctorow

What's to say about Cory Doctorow? He's on a mission to save sci-fi, Disney culture, and the internet itself. And he is succeeding.

But for today, let us suffice to mention that his new website re-design is up and welcome, a just representative of a functionally superlative nature.

Plus, as a brand new site where a higher probability exists of finding potentially choice internet bits to round out the daily soaking up of boingboing, slashdot, the drudge report, and radar ["what, you really didn't know?"], chances are your friends don't already have it added to their RDA bookmark list.

Link.

How To...Make G'N'R Irrelevant Again

This is for the electro people who are also fans of seminal '80's post-hair band Guns N Roses. And that, oddly, is just about all of us.

Using some absurdly technical MIDI process, two geeks have completely re-outfitted two G'N'R masterpieces, "Sweet Child of Mine" and "Paradise City" into Herbie Hancock's "Rockit"-swinging remixes.

That's right. Remixes. Though reinvention is closer to the truth. By speeding up these jams hundreds of times faster than normal, then reducing the parts to their most common denominator, and then believe it or not, putting the whole thing back together again, and having the individual pieces matched to the appropriate instrument sound drawn from other G'N'R songs, to play quite intense and quite pleasing electro-pop jams that rock.

It's like Pop Will Eat Itself And Grow Healthy And Young Again.

In other words, FUBAR.

Link.

How To...Make Sex Toys From Old Electronics

Courtesy of The Other Elliot Wilson's blog, here are some sex toys that you can bring to the office.

Caution: These hot-wired little people's behavior may be shocking to some but for many they are simply hard to resist.

Link (via elliotwilson).

How To...Rasterbate

The Rasterbator is one cool tool. Essentially, it's an automated web process that enables anyone to upload an image, have it rasterized then returned in pdf format up to 20 meters in size!

Even cooler is there is a stand-alone version which allows one to be able rasterbate one's self without having to wait in line.

Link (via accordianguy).

How To...Idle

The Idler is an ideas whose time has come.
Rockstar lifestyle and living requires for those of us who are rockstars and do rockstarring to come up with entire philosophies to explain to our patrons, clients, loved ones, and students, fans, and nemesis' (and often friends, parents, and landlords) how laziness is productive, and it is a far better thing to be influential than it is to be rich or famous.

London's The Idler seems like a McSweeney's for the ambitiously playful.

In the very least, the magazine's pre-occupation with getting the good jokes and passing it one makes the whole thing seem very worth while.

Link (via patafisix).

How To...Be A Rockstar DJ

DJ schools are popping up all over the place. But what makes Hong Kong's HKDJ Training Center noteworthy is the schools website which provides for entire sets to be showcased–via both streaming and Mp3–from a range young styles, allowing young DJs in China to strut their stuff.

Also noteworthy is the success these student artists are having, as the in-house mixes are being picked up by major labels. Even more interestingly, several student DJs remix their peers same hit mixes as homework assignments to present their personal take on the success of their school. Amazing. Plus original videos!

There are a range of styles for most every taste, but what stands out is the dedication to quality the school clearly emphasizes. These are professional, highly-pleasing sets, mixes, and videos by DJ artist who obviously have been taking their lessons seriously.

Enjoy.

Link (via glutter).

Rockstar! Virgil Crow

Paris, France-based inter-dimensional Floridian/post-Atlantis pop artist personifier Virgil Crow is an enigma wrapped in a poly-cotton towel with properties that merit further attention…hold on, is that towel winking?

One of the true living operating functioning and successful paranormalists in the world today, his work is davidcronenbur-lesque. Wild Flash animations with oogly eyeballs and multi-splendidiferous tendrils…

You have to see it for yourself.

But working with UK success story Trigger, and directly influencing such neo-pop mainstream success stories as Boards of Canada, see it you did, have been, and will.

Virgil Crow Industries (VCI) is the public interface between the idea which is a living being who embodies Virgil Crow, and the weirdness that is a business in the form of a work of art.

Specializing in developing stage shows for performance, concerts, and post-rave events such as Burning Man, Virgil Crow's VCI is to live show phenomenon what H.P. Lovecraft is to William S. Burroughs.

See for yourself.

Link.

How To...Aim For Peace

They, the inventor of ground-lighting for cars and sunglasses with visors, had an epiphany last week. It is the Peace Target.

Subtle and under-stated, They has released the meme to flourish and propagate throughout the internet. Here for the first time, the Peace Target.

Rockstar! DJ Food's "Raiding The 20th Century"

DJ Food is an ongoing project, a "food for DJs" project, and one single DJ artist, Strictly Kev, who has taken over the mantle and title DJ Food.

Begun as a side-face of Ninja Tune artists Coldcut, DJ Food is either Strictly Kev, PC, and the duo Coldcut, or it's strictly Strictly Kev. In other words, DJ Food is a group only it's actually Strictly Kev.

What matters though is the music, and Strictly Kev's elaborate DJ Food compositions are pop music epics structured like classical movements. The pieces are created of bits and odds and ends from popular music, transforming amalgamations of radio hits into aural montage symphonies.

Case in point, this ambitious monstrous mash... of the entire 20th century! Running just over thirty-nine minutes, DJ Food's Raiding The 20th Century made its big debut on the internationally influential XFM, and has since become a P2P mainstay, a "mashterpiece" rivaling the poularity of DJ Danger Mouse's Grey Album.

Here is DJ Food's Raiding The 20th Century in various forms for download.

Link (via boomselection.info).

Bonus Link! (Coldcut vs. TV Sheriff video)

How To...Shave Your Beard

Spotted on bOINGbOING:
High speed video of man shaving his beard
"It is strangely satisfying to watch this 15-second high-speed video of Richard shaving off his beard and most of his hair."

Link (via boingboing.net).

Rockstar! Radar Magazine Online

Radar Magazine, the genetically-engineered master magazine title created for the audience that propels Gawker, Gothamist, and Go Fug Yourself to daily stardom, launched Radar Online this morning.

By far the wickedest features of the site are the interactive elements, especially Fame-O-Meter and Fifteen Minutes.

Fame-O-Meter is a real-time, (partially) algorithm-driven, constantly refreshing analysis of the top 100 celebrities "market value." Hilarious, especially for those keeping track of the latest developments in the world of international celebrities.

Fifteen Minutes is even cooler. Submit basic information about yourself and a photo, and get your allotted fifteen minutes of fame on Radar's site if nowhere else. The site even emails you back letting you know when to tune in so as to capture the coveted screen shot to email to your friends later. Kewl.

Incidentally, Radar's take on celebrities includes moviestars, rockstars, business heads, and major politicians, a savvy melange for a savvy target demographic.

Link.

How To...Re-live '80's Mixtape Wonder

Rockstar designer Jon Santos first brought H2RS' attention to secret joy that is Mixmaster.org. So great was this find that it has been kept close to the chest for several weeks. But the recent discovery of
Geht's nocht? led H2RS to XFM DJ extraordinaire James Hyman's blog, where we discovered Mixmaster.org's link posted. And if the link is posted there, the site can surely handle the bandwidth wider popularity must be incurring.

Imagine all the best dance songs that were heard in the best dance clubs in the best dance cities–NYC and London, primarily–in the eighties. Not the pop new wave hits, or surface level hip-hop, but the deeper electronic jams that sent people over the top for years. What many have forgotten is how a select fortunate few had access to private little precious gems of these recorded jams, called mixtapes, passed hand-to-hand between knowing, appreciative friends.

Of course, many of these beloved tapes yet exist in our futurely-minded new world. And someone has taken the liberty as a labor of love to put a goodly selection of several of the most amazing and memorable pieces up to be downloaded as delectable, juice-filled Mp3 jams!

Link (via James Hyman).

How To...Live Freely In America

The Statue of Liberty Gang is an inspiring very mini-doc starring three young artists, Amy Carpenter, Annaliese Rittershaus, Hillary McLaughlin, who decided to band together and represent the fun of non-politicized liberty by freely expressing their selves as artists–by dressing up as three Statue of Liberties at the Democratic National Convention in Boston, Massachusetts, 2004. Dig the "bronze" body paints!

Filmed by videographist Steve Garfield and pieced together by one of the Liberties, artist Amt Carpenter, the short and delightful piece brings home the worthiness of what the artist themselves describe as "proaction," a statement on behalf of terror-free living.

Carpenter's unpolished delivery and savvy soundtrack programming strikes true, as she and fellow Liberties, young women with a big-hearted mission, set out to show off what it means to be a citizen and free person to them in the face of fear, mistrust, and hysteria.

Take a minute and re-charge your spirit to full with this glimpse into another, much-less reported on, heart of a country called America.

Link (via cowboygirlproductions).

How To...Rock Sound Recorder

Clown Staples is the name of the technical whiz behind the Flash symphonic piece, Winnoise.

As a Flash movie, Winnoise is fluid and graceful, an ode to inspired thinking, turning the lifeless landscape of Microsoft Window's Sound Recorder into a lively audio-visual tundra.

If that sounds too flowery a description for a common everyday Flash movie, this is because Winnoise is not a common everyday Flash movie. What separates Winnoise from the run of the mill, and elevates what could have been a pleasant bit of fluff to a position of merit commanding more than only casual regard, is the work of music accompanying this grand piece.

In Winnoise, author-composer Clown Staples' visual koan, an apparent ode to the process of the creation, transcends mere illustration. As the work develops and builds, lofty sentiments inherent within the pedestrian sounds of the Windows operating system first whisper than build before erupting into a piece of Valhallic grandeur. What originally crossed our mind's eye as a barren landscape turns out to be a properly-viewed tundra that is, in fact, the tundra that is the Mythological Ocean.

In Winnoise, Clown takes what most consider worthless ore and reveals hidden gold. What DJ Danger Mouse is to hip-hop, Clown Staples in one movement may have become to the classical genre: a re-inventor.

Link (via albino black sheep).

Rockstar! Roman Flügel

Roman Flugel's new track, Geht's noch?, is irritating…in the good way. As one half of one of the few bona fide techno superstars, Alter Ego (whose "Rocker" track has been a DJ anthem for two years now), Roman Flugel latest bleeping, squealing minimalist-style solo track is breaking down boundaries.

One of the pick hits of this year's Winter Music Festival in Miami, and a recent selection of London XFM DJ extraordinaire, James Hyman, this track is waiting for a Napoleon Dynamite "Numa Numa"-style Flash meme to spread it to the rest of the world. Squeaky, cheeky, and irritatingly irresistible–one antagonized fan describes Geht noch? as "a gerbil f-cking a hamster"–this rapidly spreading track speaks of great things now on the horizon.


Link (via music remedy.com).

How To…Live Thru A Sandstorm

Check out these amazing sandstorm-about-to-hit-take-cover-NOW! photos. From the website:

Just received an e-mail from someone I know, who knows someone working in IRAQ.
He forwarded me these photos taken yesterday.
It's an enormous wall of sand travelling at 60mph in his direction.

Link (via szanalmas).

How To…Be An Ugly Kid

This is so fake that it's good like Ho-Ho Cakes.

A billboard for Ugly Kids, and then go to the site, and testimonies that seem more like corny Kellog's Frosted Flakes ads then heart-wrenching testimonials.

Then the obligatory child's porn throw-in, and what we have is homemade American controversy pie!

The real question: Is ugly the new black?

Link (via adrant).

Rockstar! The Talented Two Elliot Wilsons

Elliot Magas Wilson is young, not dumb, and ready for fun.

We learned of Elliot's web presence while googling for XXL's editor-in-chief and Ego Trip OG Elliot Wilson's new television show, Race-O-Rama, which is happily getting raves all over the internet.

However, the new-G Elliot Wilson has it going on as well. For one, he is one half of an arts web design company called Hebronix, and for another he designs websites for free, which as everyone knows is the only best way to get famous, loved, well-know, respected, and admired in the world. From NG Elliot's website:

"I'm currently trying to get some design gigs, so if you know anyone that needs a website, graphics/artwork or anything else please email me: elliot@hebronix.com"

And speaking of art, check out NG Elliot's mesmerizing piece of video art-music that is one freaky meme-jam if there ever was one. Let the music play!

OG Elliot: Link 1 (via stefandelman).
NG Elliot: Link 2 (via elliotwilson.org).

How To…Explain The Theory Of Relativity In Four-Letter Words Or Less

The title says it all. Looking up the word "orthogonal," which in this context means "to move in a side-ways or any-ways direction," takes you to the peculiarly exclusive world of Muppetlabs, a site dedicated to Orthogonal, a computer-language, of which the site is an Orthogonal festival of sorts.

Look around the weird world of Muppetlabs enough and this is what you come up with: Einstein's Theory of Relativity (as opposed to, say, everyone else's Theory of Relativity) In Four-Letter Words Or Less, which is a fine achievement. And it works!


Link (via muppetlabs.com).

Rockstar! DJ Format's Rapping Furries

How did we miss this? DJ Format's single "We Know Something You Don't Know," featuring Chali 2na and Akil of Jurassic 5. DJ Format can be claimed as another "discovery" by legendary broke-ass hip-hop aficionado David Paul of Bomb Hip Hop, way back in '99, with the 12" single "English Lesson," off of which no one made any money and has naturally gone on to become an underground classic.

But since that ignominious debut, things have been looking up for Format, who's 2002 slow-to-heat, long-to-burn album Music For The Mature B-Boy went on to become a huge European record for both 2003 and 2004.

For the record, DJ Format's latest, If You Can't Join 'Em…Beat 'Em has just been released and is set to blaze up the charts with the release of the single, "Three Feet Deep," featuring emcees Abdominal and Canadian rapper D-Sisive.


Link (via ruben.fm)

Rockstar! Time Travel expert Spider Robinson agrees Time Traveler Convention Re-Scheduled!

MIT was said to have been having a Time Traveler's Convention this weekend. But realistically, what time-traveler in their right mind is going to show up in Massachusetts, USA, at this juncture in history?

The MIT kids can definitely make a funky dance floor but how freaky can anyone get at MIT in 2005? After all, it's Massachusetts in the Bush years!

So rather than bring the spirits down of the well-meaning student who had terrific insight with regards to launching himself and a lack of imagination when it comes to time-travelers (partiers to the last), H2RS talked with rockstar sci-fi authors, Key West enthusiasts, and time-travel consultants Spider Robinson and Jeanne Robinson–who have confirmed the time and place of the real Time Traveler's bash, in Key West, FL, as described in his Callahan's Cross-Time Saloon series!

The new coordinates are confirmed as being the Conch Republic (aka Key West , FL, USA), September 10th, 2001 for the Officially Unofficial Time Traveler's Convocation, as well as the relative end of Time. And for further evidence, check with Miko Losic, publisher of the Key West City Paper, where King of Key West, artist "Mike" MonGo Nicholl, described in detail the event and it's updated coordinates in newspaper columns published in October of 2002! Furthermore, event and ongoing party has been detailed Spider's last two Callahan's books, Callahan's Key and Callahan's Con.

By the way, as Amal explained, it doesn't matter where you weren't at that time, because all you are going to have to did do is been made making a point to have been there sometime. And, as you most certainly will not recall, but am doingly did, this turns into the Greatest Party Never That Never Was, as previously precursored, postulated, proposed with presentiment, and presented by the pre-eminent time-travel congratulationist (and Spider Robinson mentoring peer), Robert Heinlein, in his noteworthy The Number Of The Beast.

So, actually, Well Meaning Student, a day early but a dollar ahead, figured it out post-fact. Which from a marketing standpoint, is woefully spitefully immaturely geniusly genius, or good.

Here's how it worked: From the place where everything works out for everyone and everything, which was obviously not here and now from our present standpoint, everyone, including you and I, all got together and worked it out with ourselves throughout all of time to make everything work out for everyone and everything. Which it did and does, and so we threw a party at the most laid-back relaxed and gratuitously extravagant party spot on Earth i.e. Key West née the Republica de Conch. Thus, the birth the Greatest Party That Never Was, the party that all the heavy-weights came to after the bash the one reference in Douglas Adams' Life, The Universe, and Everything.

By the way, this is also where the *anti-gravity ring personal forcefield breathing underwater (with invisibility option) ring* debuted!

So plan behind now, and remember to forget to have remembered to forget: The party scheduled for May 7th, 2005, East Campus Courtyard, MIT-USA, has been rescheduled to September 10, 2001, The Conch Republic, Key West (formerly Key West , FL, USA) on account of climate change. So be sure to have told everyone! And don't forget to have remembered you packed for tropics!

One last word, if any time travelers out there feel like dropping in on the MIT bash to remind then that their Convention already took place and they had a blast, that would not only be swell, it very much wasn't!

We'll have not seen you at the Convention because we didn't miss you at the Party!

RSVP – thegreatestpartynever@howtorockstar.com

Link (via boingboing).